It’s been awhile, friend! I had lost my voice, but I’ve found it again.
I’ve been thinking about the fear of God lately and how it
informs my life. The fear of God. A couple years ago I would have sneered at
this whole idea of fearing the One who loves me unconditionally. How could I
fear my Savior who comforts me, displays His unending mercy and grace, and
lavishes me with goodness? I left the “fear of God” to those who stand on
street corners condemning people to Hell. Today, I stand humbled and reverent….
On a good day when I’m believing the truth.
How do we reconcile this God in the Old Testament and the
God of the New Testament in a way that brings comfort to our troubled souls?
The conclusion I’ve come to is that…. We don’t really. He is
uncomfortable.
I used to take canoe rides in the summer with a friend in
Federal Way and we would discuss his beliefs about God and life. This friend
openly shared that he didn’t know if there is a God and didn’t really care to
figure it out either. He said one thing that will forever ring in my ears. He
said, “If there really is a god of
the universe then I sure would hope that my finite mind wouldn’t be able to
comprehend it because I don’t like the idea of someone or something who I can
wrap my head around being in control of the world.”
Yes. In a post-modern world (especially in my little
millennial world) we don’t like this idea of submission. I don’t like this idea of submission….
And then I look in the mirror. When I come to terms with the idea of sin as my
inherent state of being instead of the “bad things” that I do, is when I recognize that I need
someone to lead me in this journey of living life to the fullest. When I’m
left to my own devices (ie. When I trust in my deceptive heart) I am left
seeking instant gratification and temporal happiness instead of the Kingdom
life He promises us in His Word.
With this being said, something I hear quite often as I
encounter new people and they ask me what I do for a living is, “Well, I don’t
know if I could do that. I don’t know if I could go back and forth to Africa.”
This comment is usually followed up with a confession about fear of spiders or
an utter disregard for the heat or African food. I completely understand these
comments and I try to affirm these fears and confess my own in the process. I
don’t like spiders and I would prefer my state of being to be something other
than “infinitely sweaty” when I’m in Sierra Leone. However, I fear the idea of
fighting God’s best for my life even more.
I am writing this to affirm these thoughts in myself,
because I sometimes waiver in this line of thinking as my circumstances
consistently change and when I just plain don’t feel like doing something that His
Spirit might be leading me to do. My Savior is not holding out on me. As His
daughter, He has numbered my days, He has prepared the good things I am yet to
do, to experience, to enjoy. He also promises He will be with me through the
fire and that as He is there, the waters will not overtake me. He claims me as
His bride and is fighting in the heavenly realms on my behalf. This leads me to
fear turning my back on Him SO much more than the hard things He’s invited me
to participate in alongside Him. I am writing to remind myself of these truths
and take courage in the fear of the Lord (an oxymoron- I know!) because while,
“Yes, He is dangerous, but He is good!” (C.S Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia)
